Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize