that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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