How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
