when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
