Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize