I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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