Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
