nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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