I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
