pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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