Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
