Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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