I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i've created a new STD.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
