i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
