I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
