I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
