She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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