Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
