oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
