Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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