Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
