If i come over, it means nothing
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
