dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
