we made out on top of his cat.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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