the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
