I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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