I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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