I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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