somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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