dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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