yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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