she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
