Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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