Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
