god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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