I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
