I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
