i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
