It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
