morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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