well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
