Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
