I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
