went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
