just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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