Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
