How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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