Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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