Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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