I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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