What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
