If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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