how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
