He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
