Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
