Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
