six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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