Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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