I cockslap morals
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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