I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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