weddingsv make me drug and hornr
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
