Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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