I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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