Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
