What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
