Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
