jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
