sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize