white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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